English Essay juz got 36/85... T-T

This monthly test sure got me into terrify, most of my subjects got around 50++ For English, only got 55%. The black sheep = Essay part... T-T
I type out my the corrected version of directed essay.....
Another essay, I will type it out with simple correction.... T-T

Directed Writing,
You have moved to a new place. Write a letter to your old mate to introduce him a new friend.

This essay has been corrected, before that only get 17/35.
Format= 2/5
Language= 8/20
Content= 7/10

12, Jalan Indah 12,

Off Jalan Sungai Putus,

92100 Raub,

Pahang.

20^th April 2010

Dear Kok Hoe,

Hello my friend, how do you do? How is the school going? Did anyone from the class miss me? Please send my regards to them and the teachers.

The time flows very fast, just a blink of eyes, I have already moved to Raub, Pahang for a month. Raub is a city famous with peanuts and gold mines. Although it sounds great to live in here but unfortunately there is no cinema in here. If I want to watch any movie, I have to take about 2 hours to K.L. Perhaps we can have a date in K.L at anytime.

By the way, now I am studying in SMK Jiong Hua. New to 5S2 class, I was very shy to know my classmate. However there was a great boy came to me and introduced himself. He is my first friend in the new school. He gave me a warm smile and said “Tai Meng Wei is at your service, please don’t hesitate to find me if you have any problems”. I was touched and thankful for his help, he introduced me some classmates and for the tour. I had gotten used to the new school well within a week because of his kindness.

I had a monthly test last week and got a disgraceful result. How about you, Kok Hoe? Meng Wei once again surprised me with his results. In Additional Mathematics, he had gotten 100% whereas I only managed to secure a depressing 65%. In fact, he had scored most of his subjects with perfect scores. Due to his intelligence, many of us like to ask him to solve the questions. I should not be surprise with his achievement because he is a hardworking person. Although we had tones of homework everyday, he is able to finish all of them including his tuition tasks. He always reminds me that “We are the students and we have the responsibility to finish the homework to us.”

Despite being an academic achiever, Meng Wei is also the Head Prefect and the President of English Language Society. He can speak English fluently. Being very eloquent in the language, Meng Wei was chosen to be the school debater. Recently his team had won the state level debate championship. I guess you might soon have him as your opponent as you are also the champion of Selangor state.

I had been to Meng Wei’s house before. He lives very near to school. Although it only take s him 1 minute to reach school but he comes early everyday. According to him, this is because early birds get the worms. He wants to read books in class. He says that he can study better. Besides that, Meng Wei likes to help others. He often helps teachers to do tasks or explains anything asked by the students. I am glad to have this friend.

I am afraid I have to stop now. Please tell me about the latest news in SMJK Kwang Hua next time. Take care!

Your sincerely,

JIMMY

Essay Writing
I choose the topic, A Day in a Worse Weather
Only got 19/50... T-T
I know is plain, not interesting at all but it's my actual life...

It was a Sunday morning, I had planned to have a jog since last weak but the God did not allow me to do so. The sky seems to be gloomy and sad. The wind whispered around me, persuading me not to go for a jog. Finally I was persuaded, so the sky gave me a prize. “Tik Tak … Tik Tak…”, rain dropped with rhythm, just like a band who had played some sort of song. The melody of nature had indulged me very much.

The moisture air was very refreshing, my mood turned good when they had soaked into my heart. I had failed my English paper last week, terribly sad not because of gotten beat by mum but I was inferior to be a student in top class. Every classmate is like the examination machine, studying non-stop and talks about Physics, Chemistry and Biology. I felt burden and hardly to catch a breath in such dense atmosphere. However now, a gloomy yet refreshing day is set specially for me to release stress.

Following the emotion, I sang “Apologize”which is my favourite song since last year. The weather was such a good timer, the rain was pouring when I reached the chorus “ It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late…” Thanks to them, I had sang out all the evil inside me and I felt reborn. Suddenly, I thought of melody of “Colours of the wind”. Then I went into my room and turned on the modem and laptop.

Mixpod s is such a great site to create own music albums. After listening the recommendation from Cho Jet, my schoolmate three months ago, I have started to use this site to create my playlists. One of my favourite playlists was posted in my blog, light-hope-city.blogspot. I logged in my blog and clicked the song “Colours of the Wind”, covered by wind flute. Then I surfed on Facebook and signed in Window Live Messenger at the same time.

Oh gosh, there were about 30 notifications as usual. I clicked on it and selected one of the notices, XYZ has posted something on your wall. I read it out, it was a silly question, “Do you thin Jimmy Soh is handsome?” and my friend were written there absolutely not. Below there had about 10 comments which supported his point. I was pissed off and replied them “Although my handsome standard is not competent to Brad Pitt, but luckily the standard is as high as you guys”. I felt great after writing this.

After surfing Facebook, I signed in my Yahoo ID to check mails. As what I expected, 20 mails were there. Out of 13 of these mails were the notice of incoming friend s birthday alert. After deleting those mails, I went to read the “survival mails”. One of the survivals had a very nice content, written there why we should not have examinations. One of the reasons was for the sake of environment; a 20 years old adult tree will be converted into 50kg of papers. If we banished the examination, then thousands of trees from the forest would thank us for saving their life.

“Moew… Moew…” two words popped out when I was checking my mails. When I saw these cute words, I knew it was Meng Wei because we both are form “cat” family! I replied him with “Meow… meow…”. We both have known each others since I moved to Raub and studied in SMK Jiong Hua. He was my first friend and top student in school. We have a very close friendship, some time I phoned him and chatted for many hours. My record so far is 4 hours. Luckily I have no financial problem with the telephone bill because it is free of charge if we applied the latest modem package.

Meng Wei and I talked rubbish for about two hours. The contents of our idle talk may cooler than the cucumber. We talked about why one of the trees in the school was cut down. My reason was because it had bored with its hair style, would like to change the hair style but unfortunately accidentally chopped down its head. He replied me with the usual MSN language, “Lol… =.=”. Then he did not want to lose to me and gave his opinion. He said there were a lot of people sit there every day. Perhaps someone had complaint that the tree had molested them then the school took the action to punish this satyr.

I was yawning after I was tired using the laptop. I set my status as away in MSN and set the auto message as “Lazy cat is sleeping right now. If you want, you are welcome to join the sleep.”. The rain still pouring although 3 hours had passed. Due to the humid and conducive environment, I took a nap on my bed. What a delightful Sunday I had! However after 30minutes, I had awaken because I heard the shout of my mum.

My mum was beside me, having an eye sight of commander. I guessed the commander is going to order the pawn to complete a mission. Same with my thought, my mum ordered me to sweep the gathered water inside the house. Due to the heavy rain, my house was confronted with small flood. My mum was asking me to move the furniture to here and there and removed the water. Ahh! My precious Sunday was ended with this mess! Perhap I should not sing “Apologize” anymore and change it to “Rain Rain Go Away” song!

THE END